Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Not For Sale

True story of a most humiliating day--wasn't me , by the way. :)

My horoscope hinted that the day would not bode well. Throbbing pain from a recent sprained ankle concurred. Never being one to miss a sale on products not wanted or needed, the warnings went unheeded. I borrowed a grandchild young enough to be endearing and old enough to be helpful and drove to the store.

The discount warehouse was mobbed, prompting me to use one of the scooters provided for the disabled. How hard could it be? I thought, forgetting that technology requiring more than two buttons, preferably off and on, was most often a catastrophe. for me.

After zigzagging throughout the aisles, narrowly sideswiping young children, and leveling tall, stacked shelves, I reconsidered my mode of travel. Scowls and snide remarks from other customers influenced my decision. Eight-year-old Nicholas trailed several feet behind me, pretending to belong to someone else. It was time to leave, before the mob of people in the store got nasty.

I drove the scooter to the nearest register a little too fast, apparently, and became wedged tightly in the checkout lane. Even reverse could not budge the jammed scooter. Amidst laughter echoing through the warehouse, a strong, disgruntled male cashier lifted and unceremoniously dumped my 5’9” body onto the conveyor belt.

As I was scanned and slid down the length of the counter my grandson asked, “How much did you cost, Gram? Were you on sale?


  1. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! That's hysterical, something even I may never experience. Thank God for our youth!

  2. Thanks for giving me a laugh this evening. This is a great story, with a perfect "punch line." Thank you for sharing it but ... was it really not you or are you just saying that?

  3. Micki,
    This is too funny! Why couldn't people realize that your friend really needed the scooter?
    Cute story!

  4. Linneaa, thanks and I hope you never do experience it.

    Sandy, It was a story that happened to a friend of mine and I asked if I could write it up as a story--but it could easily happen to me lol.

    Cherrye, because so many people are too busy with their own lives--her foot in a cast should have been a clue, one would think.

  5. I always think about 'borrowing' one of those carts. There is no physical reason why I should, I just think it would be so much fun! Somehow, to the dismay of whoever was near me when I got wedged, I would find humor in it! Clark Gable lifting my 5'9" body out of the contraption!!! I loved this, Micki, and it COULD be me! hahaha!

  6. Love it--you are definitely Erma Bombeck reincarnated! I've never thought of using one of those carts and I'm pretty sure I never will now! Thanks for another great post!

  7. That was definitely worth a good laugh, Micki. Thanks for sharing and thanks to your friend for allowing you to share. Now I'm going to be picturing this body, foot in cast, arms probably flailing, moving down the conveyor belt at the checkout and wondering what happened when she went over the scanner. Did anyone try to bag her? :-)

  8. OMG - It's hilarious!!! I've got tears in my eyes. LOL

  9. Deirdre, don't even get tempted lol. I have a scooter I rarely use but it has two speeds-a picture of a rabbit and a hare. I've had a few harrowing experiences in it myself, forgetting which one won the race!

    Sandra, thanks for the high compliment. We both started writing this type of essay at the same time--only she got rich and famous and I didn't.

    Diane, you are so funny. I wish I had used that line about the bagging!! Yes, I, too, think about it and the imagary makes me laugh.

    Raani, my friend din't think it was so funny as we can well imagine the humiliation but I have always thought it was hilarious--we have sick minds?